We’re moving. No big deal. We’ve been planning to move since January. Our lease is not up until the end of June. In about 6 weeks. We don’t know where we are going. Well, we know that we are staying in the same town, but we do not know yet what house we will be moving in to.
Stress.
I have no doubt that we can find something. Finding something in a pinch is not my first choice. But here is my real dilemma — I want to downsize, want to purge, want to have cheaper rent and less “stuff” cluttering my life. But how small is too small?
Is that a strange question? I have no idea why I am wrestling so long and hard with that question. I think it comes back to fear. Fear that I will make the wrong choice; that I will regret my decision after I’ve committed to it. Fear that we will all drive each other crazy living in cramped quarters during the winter in North Idaho. Fear that we will not have room to grow our family. Oh how I want to see our family grow.
This is more than just a move for me. I feel like God is pruning me. And it’s painful.
Right now we are living in a house with 4 bedrooms, 2 1/2 baths, a 3 car garage and just under 2000 square feet. We’re looking at homes with 3 bedrooms. Oftentimes 1 bath. A 1 car garage. Small. Really small.
But ultimately, why do I feel like I need so much space?? I look at how most of the people in this world live and a 1200 square foot house with indoor plumbing would be a dream for them. Why am I so spoiled? Blessed? Entitled? I think about my family growing up. We had 4 kids in my family, my dad was a pastor, and there were a few houses that I remember living in that seemed big enough for our purposes but when I look back on it now I realize that those houses were really small. Did it mar my childhood? No. Did I ever go without the stuff that really matters? No.
So what am I afraid of? God help me.