Relativity

Posted on September 11, 2012 by admin

We live in world full of relative truth.  What is right for you might be wrong for me and vice versa.  Nothing surprising there.  Relative truth, wanting to justify our wrong behavior, has always existed.  What is different is that this is now becoming the norm among Christians as well.

I recently had a conversation with a friend in which I asked questions regarding her support of gay marriage.  Nothing surprising there.  Except this friend is a leader in her church.  She has been a youth leader and now will be leading a small group of adults.  When I asked how she could align her beliefs with scripture, her response was something to the effect of, “It is not up to me to judge or to decide what sin is.  Sure, the Bible “alludes” to this subject, but it is unclear.  And how do I know for sure that the Bible is God’s words or just the opinion of the guy who wrote it?”

Leader.  In a Christian church.

Relativism. Fallacy of scripture. Watered down scripture.

This breaks my heart.  This should not be.  I have to admit that I was a bit taken aback by this conversation and had no persuasive arguments for her.  Nor did I start the conversation with the goal of debating or of convincing her of “my way of thinking.”  But that’s the thing.  This is not my way of thinking.  This is scripture.

I believe that there are some areas in which the Bible is silent, or at the very least a “gray” area.  Homeschooling vs. public or private schooling.  Work at home mom vs. stay at home mom.  Mac vs. PC.  Well, okay, maybe that’s taking it too far!

Seriously though, there are some things to which we must apply our own good judgment, decide what is best for us and our families and prayerfully consider our decisions.  I believe that God is going to take me to task if I ignore what He is specifically asking of me in any of these areas, but at the same time I fully believe that my decision may not look the same as your decision.  And neither one is right.  And neither one is sin.

However, scripture is pretty clear on several things.  There are certain decisions/behaviors that are called sin.  We too should call them sin.  Truthfully.  And yes, cradled in a spirit of grace as well.  But sin nonetheless.  And we as Christians should not decide that we can live within a different set of truths.  Read Galatians 1:6-10.  It’s pretty clear.

I see a new trend amongst Christians and I think we need to be aware.  The pendulum is starting to swing regarding our response to sin.  We are no longer a culture of “burn them at the stake” (thank goodness!) but now the pendulum is swinging too far in the other direction.  Rather than meeting sin with grace AND truth Christians are reticent to call sin what it is with a battle cry of, “Well we all sin.”  I hear over and over from Christians whom I love and respect stories about how they are striving to be like Jesus, who hung out with sinners.  And while yes, that is true, Jesus never told us to emulate sinners.  Or accept sinful behavior.  In fact, I remember Jesus telling a sinful woman to “Go and SIN NO MORE.”

And that is what breaks my heart.  We are no longer a church of sinners who are also encouraging one another to go and sin no more.  We conveniently ignore scriptures that call us to leave a life of sin and to stop living in the flesh and live in the spirit.  (Go hang out in the book of Romans for awhile).

Our family has decided to take God’s Word seriously.  All of it.  We are choosing to surround ourselves with those who inspire us to strive for more Christlikeness, but not insulating ourselves either from those who need to hear the message of the gospel.  Our greatest desire is that we would be a living testimony of God’s grace, as well as an inspiration to others of the joy that comes from living in the Spirit.

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Shades of Grey

Posted on July 24, 2012 by admin

Lately I have been pondering whether or not I am truly living out Jesus’ challenge to be different from the world.  To be in it, but not of it.  To be set apart.  To deny myself.

I believe that it is easy for Christ followers to take a stance on certain issues that are “culturally acceptable”; those things that the world expects to be different about us.  But I wonder about those subtle shifts; those issues, decisions, attitudes that have crept in to our lives that are not God-honoring.

Here is a recent example I am pondering.  The book 50 Shades of Grey.  I’ve never read it, nor do I have any desire to read it.  From my understanding, this book falls into the category of erotica.  The media refers to it as “mommy porn.”  Really??  Why is not acceptable  for men to view pornography, but women can read pornography?

Here is an excellent article about why it’s bad for your marriage.

And another one from a male perspective.

There used to be a question asked often in youth groups, “Would you still do that if Jesus was sitting right next to you?”  There is another variation on the question that goes, “Would you rather have Jesus or your grandma catch you doing that?”  (I said Jesus because he has more grace!).  But on a serious note, would you really sit and read “50 Shades of Grey” aloud to Jesus??  He created sex.  But he spoke out against perversions to what he created.

I know that I run the risk of sounding judgmental.  Prudish.  Sheltered.  But I have to ask these questions aloud because I truly am baffled when I see my Christian friends support things that are in direct opposition to the words of Jesus.  To His challenge to live lives above reproach.

There are a lot of “grey areas” in our Christian walk.  Not every decision or subject is specifically addressed in scripture.  Paul says that we are free, not bound by law.  But he also says that we should not use our freedom to indulge the flesh (Gal. 5:13).  I firmly believe that 50 Shades of Grey does not fall into a “grey area.”  It is self-satisfying, sinful, indulgent.  Our relationships, with Christ and with our husband, deserve more than this.

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Downsize Me

Posted on May 17, 2012 by admin

We used to live in a 1400 sq. foot house. Three bedrooms, two baths. Then we added 2 kids to our household over the course of 4 years.  We both work from home and started homeschooling our children, and after our home offices ended up in our master bedroom we decided it would be wise to move into a larger space.

Last year we moved into a 1900 square foot house.  Four bedrooms and two and a half baths.  It also had 2 living areas, so we turned one into a school room/play room/mom’s office.

I’ve never felt completely settled here.  Many friends who came to visit would “ohh” and “ahh” over the new place, asking if we would eventually buy it.  But I knew that we wouldn’t be there a long time.  I attributed it to not knowing if our friends (who own the house) would put it back on the market after a year.

Over the course of this last year God has been effecting big changes in my heart.  I’ve read and studied about money and possessions, what a Godly view should be on these two important subjects, and the pressure in our culture to have more, more, more.  It is true that we live unlike most of the rest of the world, who subsist on about $2/day and live in homes about as big as our living room.  I have gone through a major shift in how I view my money, spend my money, and have even purged a lot of my “stuff.”

Now we are getting ready to move again.  Partly because we want to be in a different area of town (downtown to be exact) and partly because we want to be in a place that is more cost effective for our budget.  We don’t want such a large percentage of our money to go toward rent.  We knew that in order to accomplish these goals we would need to downsize.  God has been working on me in that area too.

When we first started looking at homes for rent in the downtown area there were mostly 3 bedroom homes, and some had 2 bathrooms.  Well, okay, I thought, we’ll go back to a 3 bedroom home and find some space to put our offices again.  We can be creative.  Then the search morphed as we realized that many of the downtown homes are old homes and only have 1 bathroom.  Deep breath.  Think it through.  Okay, okay.  We can look at homes that have 1 bathroom.  We’ll make it work.  One of the members of the family doesn’t use a toilet yet anyway.

The search continued.  And it went something like this.  Well I guess I would remember to duck every time I went up the stairs so that I don’t bang my head on this giant piece of concrete hanging down from the ceiling.  Sure, I’m not bothered by that growling and barking German Shepherd in the back neighbor’s yard that is trying to eat my children through the chain link fence.  No, no, we don’t mind the overwhelming smell of cigarette smoke.

I have been on my knees in prayer so many times over these last few months, asking God for the right place and peace when we found it.  Alas, last week we stumbled upon the cutest house, right in a prime neighborhood (read: walking distance to the beach, our favorite hiking hill, the library and our favorite coffee shop).  It was perfect.  What’s that?  Two bedrooms.   We can’t fit into a two bedroom house.  We both have desks we NEED for work.  Our kids NEED separate rooms.  We need, we need, we need.

Do I truly desire to downsize, to live simply, or am I just in love with the idea of it?  After some soul-searching, I know that this is the right thing to do.  That peace I prayed for?  I have it.  I found the house on a Wednesday morning and called the property management office ASAP.  We couldn’t get in to see the house until that following Monday afternoon.  Yet in those 5 days I virtually stopped looking.  We had to move in less than a month, we hadn’t even seen inside this house yet, and somehow I felt that peace I had prayed for.

Long story short, we looked at the house and fell in love, quirks and all.  It’s an older home, which always comes with quirks.  Probably the most funny one is that the washer and dryer are in the second bedroom.  The kids’ bedroom.  I know, I know, that is strange and it took me a bit to come to terms with it.  We might eventually look into relocating it into the garage, but for now it will stay.  I am sure that one day we’ll look back as a family and laugh about how the kids had to sleep in the laundry room!

So over the last 2 weeks we have been getting of stuff.  Most of the time it feels freeing.  Sometimes I freak out.  But we’re moving in to a 1000 sq. foot (if that) house real soon, so like it or not, things HAVE to go.  I will be writing more over the next few weeks about the process and giving some recommendations for how to go about downsizing.  I truly am looking forward to this next great (albeit small) adventure!  And what started out as a function of wanting to move downtown and therefore coming to terms with a smaller house size has truly become a journey in simplifying and trying to focus on things that truly matter.

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Moving

Posted on April 17, 2012 by admin

We’re moving.  No big deal.  We’ve been planning to move since January.  Our lease is not up until the end of June.  In about 6 weeks.  We don’t know where we are going.  Well, we know that we are staying in the same town, but we do not know yet what house we will be moving in to.

Stress.

I have no doubt that we can find something.  Finding something in a pinch is not my first choice. But here is my real dilemma — I want to downsize, want to purge, want to have cheaper rent and less “stuff” cluttering my life.  But how small is too small?

Is that a strange question?  I have no idea why I am wrestling so long and hard with that question.  I think it comes back to fear.  Fear that I will make the wrong choice; that I will regret my decision after I’ve committed to it.  Fear that we will all drive each other crazy living in cramped quarters during the winter in North Idaho.  Fear that we will not have room to grow our family.  Oh how I want to see our family grow.

This is more than just a move for me.  I feel like God is pruning me.  And it’s painful.

Right now we are living in a house with 4 bedrooms, 2 1/2 baths, a 3 car garage and just under 2000 square feet.  We’re looking at homes with 3 bedrooms.  Oftentimes 1 bath.  A 1 car garage.  Small.  Really small.

But ultimately, why do I feel like I need so much space?? I look at how most of the people in this world live and a 1200 square foot house with indoor plumbing would be a dream for them.  Why am I so spoiled?  Blessed?  Entitled?  I think about my family growing up.  We had 4 kids in my family, my dad was a pastor, and there were a few houses that I remember living in that seemed big enough for our purposes but when I look back on it now I realize that those houses were really small.  Did it mar my childhood?  No.  Did I ever go without the stuff that really matters?  No.

So what am I afraid of?  God help me.

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Choosing what is better

Posted on February 13, 2012 by admin

Like any busy mom, homeschooler or not, I never have enough hours in the day to accomplish what I have on my to-do list each day.  Never enough time to get done what I SHOULD get done.  Today it hit me afresh that it all comes down to two choices — better and best.

Cleaning up my house after hosting a homeschool group Valentine party this morning (complete with crafts and cupcake decorating with, *gulp*, sprinkles) is better.  Sitting down in silence for 20 minutes to take some deep breaths and read a few pages of a book that inspires me (in front of my fire, *sigh*) is best.

Getting the breakfast AND lunch dishes into the dishwasher, finally, after a hectic morning of school is better.  Sitting down with my husband for a few moments to catch up and giving him my undivided attention is best.

We hosted a homeschool Valentine party this morning and I was talking to the other moms about the guilt we often feel for not doing enough.  Am I spending enough time with my kids?  Is my house clean?  Am I doing enough school with them?

As moms we tend to pile on guilt.  And that is not healthy.  Or productive.  It’s not good, better OR best.

I want to be like Mary in the story depicted in Luke 10:38-42.  We all know the story well.  Jesus was dining at the home of Mary and Martha.  Martha was running around getting the meal ready and complained to Jesus that Mary was not doing her share, because Mary was sitting at Jesus’ feet.  And Jesus’ response is that “few things are needed — indeed only one.  Mary has chosen what is better . . . ”

Lord, help me to choose what is better.  Relationships over tasks.  People over stuff.  Generosity over security.  Abundant living.

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WFMW: How to get your kids to drink water

Posted on February 9, 2012 by admin

My 6 year old daughter will make anything a battleground.  Just for the sake of going head-to-head with me.  The theme changes from week to week, and lately it has been about drinking water.  Frankly, she doesn’t drink enough water during the day and dehydration causes so many issues — lethargy, stomach aches, lack of concentration.

I had 2 choices.  Go to battle with her multiple times a day and force her to sit down and drink throughout the day.  Or make it fun for her and something she can buy in to.

I chose the later. (I’m not dumb!)

So I have her pick a cup for the day (see how many choices I’m giving her?).  Then I have her pick 5 of her favorite bracelets from her dress-up box.  

Every time she finishes a cup of water, she brings me a bracelet.

And so far . . . it’s working like a charm.  (Pun intended).

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Parenting Burnout

Posted on November 16, 2011 by admin

I have been in the counseling field or doing ministry for years.  And in that arena I know what to do when I am feeling burned out.  I take some time off.  I get away from the stress and from the day to day responsibilities.

But what do I do with parenting burnout?

Over the past few weeks I have noticed a decrease in my energy level and a feeling as if I don’t have a lot of extra emotional energy.  I have dreaded getting out of bed on some mornings.  And then in a conversation with my husband tonight I finally pinpointed what is causing all of this — burn out.

So what do I do?  I can’t take time off from parenting and get away for a few days.  Or so I thought.  This past weekend I decided to do a form of that.  I still parented my children.  Oh, and I didn’t get away anywhere. But I took some “time off.”

On Friday we took the day off school and stayed in our jammies all day.  It was cold outside, so we had the fire going a lot.  We didn’t go ANYWHERE — no errands, no library trips, nothing.  On Saturday I got out of my jammies only because I met a friend for coffee that morning.  (After I slept in and my husband got up with the kids).  And on Sunday, I took a hiatus from church and the kids and I just played and enjoyed each other.  I had two rules for the weekend: First, I was not going to set any goals regarding housework, work or homeschool.  Second, I would only do things I felt like doing.  So if I felt like picking up around the house or throwing in a load of laundry, I did it.  If I felt like taking the kids for a walk, I did it.  But I put no guilt or “shoulds” on myself to get anything done or even to have the weekend go a certain way.  And it was g.r.e.a.t.  Great!  I enjoyed my kids.  I finished reading a novel I’d been reading here and there.  I relaxed (remember what that is??).  

I highly recommend it.  I feel a renewed energy for my family, for work and for homeschool.  And I feel ready to tackle the holiday season.  Well, maybe not quite that one yet until I’ve had another weekend like this!

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I’m still here

Posted on November 11, 2011 by admin

Life has been crazy lately — not only busy, but full of a lot of emotionally-charged situations.  I have a lot that I want to write about, but had to disappear for awhile to get my “head on straight.”  I promise I will be back soon with some new posts!!

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How to support adoption without adopting

Posted on September 19, 2011 by admin

Adoption is a topic that is near and dear to my heart.  We adopted our beautiful 6 year old Princess when she was 4 years old.  She had come to live with us just 8 months prior to finalizing her adoption, as a 3 1/2 year old foster child.  We have been foster parents for over 5 years and our Princess was the 9th placement for us.

Other than an occasional weekend respite to give other foster parents a break, we have not taken another placement since Princess came to live with us.

Two days ago that all changed.  We got a call from a caseworker letting us know that the state had sheltered a 3 year old girl, and she is our daughter’s biological cousin.  There are no relatives to take her, and since we are the closest thing to family, we were asked to take her in.  Of course we said yes.  So in less than 4 hours we went from a family of 4 to a family of 5.

She told me she doesn’t like her name and wants me to call her “Castle.”  Seriously, I am not making this up.

I drove to meet the caseworker and picked up this scared little girl.  And then I drove home.  Honestly, it took about 15 minutes.

But before we picked her up, we had to rearrange our daughter’s room to accomodate another person, another bed, another set of clothes, etc.  We had to prepare our kids.  We had to prepare ourselves.

After we picked her up, in the midst of trying to get to know this new little one and give her a lot of love and try to make her feel safe, I also had to go through her belongings to assess what she had and figure out what we needed to get TODAY.  I had to get her a dentist appointment (she gave me a confused look when I asked if she brushes her teeth every day) and a doctor appointment to make sure she is healthy.

I sorted through 2 trash bags of stuff (yes, foster kids honestly come with their stuff in trash bags) and assessed that she was good for now in terms of clothes, but had no toothbrush, 2 pairs of panties (she was wearing one of these), and only one pair of shoes (unfortunately they are dress shoes, not appropriate for play). But lo and behold there was a brand new pack of socks!  Wait, they are toddler boy socks for 18-36 month olds.  Did I mention she is a girl?  And she is almost 4 years old?

So off to the store we went to buy shoes, socks, panties and a toothbrush.  And the adorable purple tutu that she just had to have.  Yes, I’m a sucker!

James 1:27 says Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after widows and orphans in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.”

Not everyone is called to adopt.  Not everyone is called to be a foster parent.  But you can support adoption and foster care in very tangible ways.  Financial support.  Prayer support.  The gift of your time.  Consider what a blessing you would be to a family by bringing them a meal when they receive a new placement.  Offering to mow their lawn that weekend so they have more time to get to know one another as a family.  Putting the word out and getting age-appropriate clothes, shoes, toys, gear for their new child.  Offering to go to the store for them to buy missing toiletries.

And speaking of support, will you please keep our family in your prayers as we adjust to a new person and as we try and minister to this hurting little girl??  Thank you!

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First week of school

Posted on September 7, 2011 by admin

We started school a little earlier than most since the princess was ready to get back into a routine. Okay, who am I kidding?  MOM was ready to get back into the routine!  Don’t get me wrong, I love the lazy days of summer.  But with a hyperactive child who thrives on structure, unscheduled summer days (for months at a time) can lead to behavior problems ad nauseum.

Last week we started school and I decided to start slow and ramp up to longer days since I am going to be adding a lot more components for Princess this year in 1st grade.  For the most part she enjoyed all of our new curriculum.  She is absolutely thriving with the Math U See curriculum.  It is unbelievable how much faster she has caught on to math concepts by using this curriculum.  Our greatest struggle is in her sitting down to write through her new reading and vocabulary words.  One day it turned into a 15 minute tantrum where I have to admit that I had fleeting thoughts of walking her to the elementary school across the street.

My greatest struggle this year is how to occupy the Prince during school hours.  I am doing some pre-preschool work with him, but at 19 months those learning moments only last for 10-15 minutes.  So sometimes we are doing work over the sounds of his tantrums, or him running around playing with toys, or Baby Einstein videos playing in the background.

Here are some snapshots from our first week:

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